SHIT!

I just found out that three of my friends in my class has crashed with their car on their way to Sundsvall. The car got in a spin and the car went over to the opposite lane, and then somebody rammed them. Lina fainted and Robert has a concussion and his arm is fucked up. Linnea was not hurt at all I think.
FUCK IT! The goddamn panic when I got the message. I thought both Lina and Linnea had died!
SHIT!!!
I just want them all to come back to here now..................
safe

Wild horses I wanna be like you

"I thought exactly like you before, I thought it was special to share everything with someone. But then I had my first boyfriend and realized that the best love you can get is from your friends and family"

I would also, for once, have the chance of getting a true comment and hear that someone "loves me".

I would love to have the chance to lean on somebody else

I would love to have the chance to even try to feel

I would love to have the chance to hate someone I have loved with all that is me

I would love to have the chance to feel tears rolling down my cheek because of a broken heart

I would love to even have the chance

"Something has changed within me, something is not the same. I'm through with playing by someone elses rules"

A thing I can't cope with is another new phenomena, I am gay (official since two weeks), women are suddenly starting to comment my looks. Suddenly women want to be near me, cuddle with me, touch me. It is like I have suddenly been discovered by all these good-looking women, that all of a sudden think that I look good. It's OK to flirt with me now, it's OK to want me now, NOW when I need women the least is the time when they show up.

What have I done to deserve this?

Why couldn't this have happened a couple of years ago? When I needed the female attention the most! Why am I suddenly of interest for a group of human beings that have never before showed any obvious signs of interest of me?

A guy said: Women always want what they can't get!

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense!

I just can't understand this mystery!

It's a shame that women are so retarded sometimes...

Hi I'm......... (Gay) Oskar

just say: Oskar

"I have already said something!"

what?

that I'm gay and live in Umeå?

"No I didn't say that you live in Umeå"

I hate the fact that I most of the time in my life will be presented as gay, not Oskar, or the funny guy, the cute guy, the beautiful guy, the guy who can sing really good, the guy who dress cool.

It will ALWAYS be: "this is my gay friend Oskar"

not: this is my friend Oskar

My sexuality will always determain who I am in the eyes of others. When I think about this I will try really hard to present people with their names, not their sexuality.

It is important to make the society a place where all "forms" of people can be accepted, and not be known foremost for their sexuality.

I must also become better at presenting myself as Oskar, and not as gay.

So what if I'm gay, I don't hurt anyone for just being me?!

I have a wise mother, she said: Don't let your sexuality determain who you are, you are still Oskar, you are not something else. You are You, and I still love you, and always will!

(Sorry Tove this was not ment to be an attack on you. I just wanted you (and every other "normal"= heterosexual) to understand what I mean with this. I don't know if you get it, but at least I have tried)

//Love!

the Conceptual couple

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7rso5__bfY&mode=related&search=

This is from a swedish tv-show called 100 Höjdare done by two comedians/journalists.

They meet a couple that are 78 and 73 years old. They do everything together, or they dress the same, and have always done like that. They are called the Conceptual couple

I'm fascinated by unormal people, and people that don't act normative.

That people have the courage to go their own way, and are not affraid of sticking out in a crowd.

I wish I was more like that, and that I could be more secure in myself so that I didn't care what people would say if I had a "girls" shirt, belt or jewelry.

I have began to mix my style with accesories that I find cool, wheter or not they come from the girls brand of H&M, or can be found in a typical girls store.

I hope that I can keep going my own way and continue to be more and more bold when it comes to fashion and how I live and present myself.

Versatility is necessary!

(never mind the ugly picture!)

Being Alive

I'm having this longing I can't figure out

Longing for something lasting, in a way

or...

I know what it is, but I have promised myself to surpress it.

I can not fall for it again.

I will not be stupid, act like a maniac, let some stupid emotions confuse me and make me disturbed!

Somebody hold me too close, somebody hurt me too deep.

Somebody sit in my chair and ruin my sleep, and make me aware of being alive.

Being Alive!

(nu kommer ett inlägg på svenska)

Idag hade jag en kort men intressant konversation med en gammal kompis till mig.

Hon är A, jag är B

(A)hm, ja du kanske är rätt person att säga det till - eller helt fel, men jag tar risken - min bästa vän berättade att han är bög
det blev lite för mycket för mig, lite mycket att hantera och bearbeta och så kom det i samband med en deppig period...
jag går bibelskola
(B)omg bibelskola
jag har förresten också kommit ut som bög nu!
(A)haha va? det har du ju gjort för länge sen??
hur mår din mamma... ? (:
(B)nää
bara som bi
(A)jaaha, sorry - jag gör inte så stor skillnad på det

(B)min mamma mår bra!
varför skulle hon inte?!
(A)men angånende dig
(B)har du blivit helt jävla superkristen nu eller?!
(A)inte mer än jag varit
(B)ok
(A)jag har bara mer förståelse för allt, och är lite mer.. andlig eller hur man ska säga. men jag mår bättre iaf. det är ju rätt puckat att vara nåt - utan att riktigt veta vad det är

(B)men berätta, vem är din vän?! ;)
(A)hahaha, lägg ned. jag ska omvända honom!
(B)ok det sista du sa kan du ju glömma direkt!!! seriöst
du kommer ALDRIG kunna omvända en bög!

det borde inte ens finnas ett ord som omvända
(A)vadå, det tror jag att man kan
alltså, om man inte vill vara bög - tror jag att man kan liksom, "avväja sig" fast jag vet hur det låter.
(B)men det handlar ju inte om att inte vilja
man kan inte välja, "nu vill inte jag vara bög längre"
(A)ah, jag vet inte riktigt vad jag pratar om iofs..
(B)nää precis
(B)och snälla.. om du ens kommer nämna det till honom nu kommer du att förstöra er relationtrust me

(A)jo, jag vet. så jag säger inget. fast han vet ju ändå var jag står if rågan - typ. men nåndag när han är full så kanske vi kan prata om det. jag mår dåligt av att inte prata om det.
(A)men jag önskar iaf att han inte gjorde några homosexuella handlingar, om man får säga det så fint

(B)ehrm...varför inte?!för att det är syndigt?!
(A)ja. för att det är synd.
(B)asså, jag kommer bara bli arg om jag fortsätter att prata med dig om det här
(A)men jag känner mig så elak som säger sånna saker. men jag menar verkligen inte att det är en stor synd. att det gör hela människan till en hemsk varelse (hon är ju redan en hemsk varelse) men jag menar bara att jag inte tror att det är tänkt så. men sedan så tror jag inte riktigt att det kan vara synd, om man inte är kristen, typ.

Jag vet inte vad jag ska tycka om det här. Jag blir mest rädd och fundersam att det finns unga människor i dagens sverige, och i världen överhuvudtaget som inte kan acceptera mångfald. Som sätter upp sin religion som ett skydd mot omvärlden, som låter urgamla regler styra sin vardag (som inte är lika nu som den var då)

Realism är dagens ledord!

(Bild av Karin Larsdotter)